i am ashamed to admit how much i concern myself with my outward appearance, and more specifically what people think about it-about me. judging by my usual daily attire someone might think that contrary is true, but it isn’t. i welcomed this assignment as an excuse or perhaps a justification to wear what i truly desire to wear…this time armed with a “valid explanation” as opposed to “just because i feel like it.”
i learned some startling things! the main point being that my choices are not actually that outrageous. i wore some large earrings, big rings, a cowboy hat, various spirit hoods, a shorter skirt than normal… and instead of strange looks and judgement from strangers i was met with…compliments. that’s right! compliments.
i remember once, long ago when i was in high school, speaking with a good friend of mine and telling him that by the time i reached the age of 23 i would be able to wear large outrageous earrings. back then i had one particular pair that remained hanging on the rack unworn because it wasn’t “right” or “appropriate” to wear them yet. i longed to be 23 for this simple, silly, sentiment. of course, once i reached the age of 23, fear and intimidation still got the better of me, and my outrageous and amazing earring collection continued to grow…but remained unworn. i loved them but i felt silly. someone might think my earrings were too fancy, too strange, too over the top…
fast forward. what the *#&$@*@#$#&!*#$!& am i waiting for? an invitation on a silver platter? when i wore my “exceptionally large” seashell ring, my 8 year old piano student told me he “loved it” and that it was “beautiful.” when i wore gigantic peacock feather earrings to another student’s lesson, she could barely focus on the piano she told me, because she just wanted to look at my earrings. i didn’t feel like a fraud wearing my straw cowboy hat (i’m not really a cowboy…am i allowed to wear this hat?), no one said anything and that was fine with me.
a month or two ago i bought myself an extravagant gift. a (faux obviously) leopard shawl. i love it. that is an understatement. i LOVE it. that’s a tiny bit better… i wear it around the house every day but i rarely ever would wear it in public…until this week that is…and i’m happy to say that when i finally did, people loved it! strangers commented, “how cute!” “where are you going all dressed up? i hope to something fun!” it made me feel great!
what prompts this desire to hide? it’s really unnecessary…and now that fall approaches and the temperature is dropping, i will wear my leopard shawl every day because I LOVE IT and i’m going to keep telling myself that i really don’t care what you think until i finally make myself believe it.