i am ashamed to admit how much i concern myself with my outward appearance, and more specifically what people think about it-about me.  judging by my usual daily attire someone might think that contrary is true, but it isn’t.  i welcomed this assignment as an excuse or perhaps a justification to wear what i truly desire to wear…this time armed with a “valid explanation” as opposed to “just because i feel like it.”

i learned some startling things!  the main point being that my choices are not actually that outrageous.  i wore some large earrings, big rings, a cowboy hat, various spirit hoods, a shorter skirt than normal… and instead of strange looks and judgement from strangers i was met with…compliments.  that’s right!  compliments.

i remember once, long ago when i was in high school, speaking with a good friend of mine and telling him that by the time i reached the age of 23 i would be able to wear large outrageous earrings.  back then i had one particular pair that remained hanging on the rack unworn because it wasn’t “right” or “appropriate” to wear them yet.  i longed to be 23 for this simple, silly, sentiment.  of course, once i reached the age of 23, fear and intimidation still got the better of me, and my outrageous and amazing earring collection continued to grow…but remained unworn.  i loved them but i felt silly.  someone might think my earrings were too fancy, too strange, too over the top…

fast forward.  what the *#&$@*@#$#&!*#$!& am i waiting for?  an invitation on a silver platter?  when i wore my “exceptionally large” seashell ring, my 8 year old piano student told me he “loved it” and that it was “beautiful.”  when i wore gigantic peacock feather earrings to another student’s lesson, she could barely focus on the piano she told me, because she just wanted to look at my earrings.  i didn’t feel like a fraud wearing my straw cowboy hat (i’m not really a cowboy…am i allowed to wear this hat?), no one said anything and that was fine with me.

a month or two ago i bought myself an extravagant gift.  a (faux obviously) leopard shawl.   i love it.  that is an understatement.  i LOVE it.  that’s a tiny bit better… i wear it around the house every day but i rarely ever would wear it in public…until this week that is…and i’m happy to say that when i finally did, people loved it!  strangers commented, “how cute!”  “where are you going all dressed up?  i hope to something fun!”  it made me feel great!

what prompts this desire to hide?  it’s really unnecessary…and now that fall approaches and the temperature is dropping, i will wear my leopard shawl every day because I LOVE IT and i’m going to keep telling myself that i really don’t care what you think until i finally make myself believe it.



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